Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
