I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
