I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
