He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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