you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
