If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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