All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
