pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
