Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
