Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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