the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
