if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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