I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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