I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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