the day after is always just damage control
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
