Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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