Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
