i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
