In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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