just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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