She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
