they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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