i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
