I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
