So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
