I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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