Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
