I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I woke up under a house in Key West
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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