not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
where are my eyebrows?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
