i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
