Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
