if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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