How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
