My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
