How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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