You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she pinky promised me she was 18
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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