We're facebook friends in real life
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
