i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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