I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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