why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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