She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
