I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
