so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
