During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
