...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
