That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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