I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
