I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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