You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
