So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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